


I'm always here for you

by green_piggy



Category: AI: The Somnium Files (Video Game)
Genre: "i love their friendship so much!" i say and then write This, Angst, Cats, Character Study, Depression, Discussion of Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Bullying, Implied Physical Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mild Suicidal Ideation, Not Happy, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, a lot of it is precaution or just to be on the safe side but Yeah, date briefly appears and ngl i think he should be his own content warning, hitomi only appears for a few paragraphs but enough to justify tagging her, mizuki darling i'm so sorry you need all these tags, of both iris and mizuki, poor coping mechanisms, purple route spoilers, self-confidence issues, would advise not reading until you've finished the game just to be safe!, you ever don't realise how fucked up your writing is until you have to tag all of this stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:34:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22103383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/green_piggy/pseuds/green_piggy
Summary: On Saturday around seven in the evening, Iris receives a text from Mizuki, asking if she can stay over for the night.
Relationships: Okiura Mizuki & Sagan Iris
Comments: 6
Kudos: 61





	I'm always here for you

**Author's Note:**

> IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED THE PURPLE ROUTE PLEASE CLICK BACK. (trying to work out how to warn for spoilers in the most vague way possible Is Hard)
> 
> even then I'd advise finishing the whole game first before reading this! this fic makes references that you may not know are spoilers until you actually finish the game, but just to be safe
> 
> "bond that's just called foreshadowing" _Yes._
> 
> just a fyi that this. isn't a very happy fic. oops. if you're not in a good mental state rn i'd advise clicking out - stay safe!
> 
> mizuki and iris's friendship means So So much to me and i really wanted to explore that! mizuki stayed over at iris's on saturday for the night so i kinda. took that and went wild I LOVE THEM. ai:tsf has so many wonderful ladies oh my god what a fantastic game
> 
> that all said, hope you enjoy~ i'd recommend listening to some of the sadder somnium songs as you read this. you know which ones i'm talking about

Mizuki had always been - well. _Different._

Not that Iris was one to say anything. But when she turned on her phone, heart still pounding and hands clammy from - _whatever it was -_ that Renju had been trying to get her into, and saw the NILE message from Mizuki, it was the first thought that popped into her head.

Iris herself had still been in a manga café aimlessly flicking through websites and To-Witter with the sole purpose of wasting time. She didn't log into any of her accounts, not when she knew she couldn't inject her usual cheer.

Her eyes flicked to the clock yet again. It was seven in the evening. Surely, _surely,_ it’d be safe for her to go home.

Just as she was packing up to grab a taxi home, her phone buzzed. Throat dry, Iris willed her pounding heart to calm down. She _could_ ignore it, but…

Working past her dread, she unlocked her screen. The relief that consumed her when she saw Mizuki's name in the notifications made her knees knock against each other.

A new message. Smiling to herself for the first time that day, Iris entered her password and answered. Mizuki's reply was almost immediate:

Now that she had a purpose, Iris whistled as she swung her backpack onto one shoulder and headed out. She hailed a random taxi parked outside; not the driver that drove for Lemniscate, because even _thinking_ about Renju left a sour taste in her mouth and make her hands tremble. His eyes had been _so_ cold and dark… like he was there only in body, and it'd been someone else inside. If there had even been a soul inside at all.

There was a rasp on the window on Iris's side. She startled, offering an apology as she opened the door and slid onto the leather seat.

The taxi driver only seemed to be a few years older than Iris, with a wry smirk and cropped hair that she found _very_ cute. If only if she was allowed to have relationships… and, you know, the whole thing where that didn’t even really matter, since she was going to—

"Where to, Miss?"

"O-oh!" Iris jolted out of her daze and beamed a sheepish smile. She gave Mizuki's address.

It wasn't a long ride, but it was one spent in silence. When they arrived, in a part of Tokyo that most people considered to be - well, pretty shady - Iris thanked the driver and gave her a large tip before stepping out.

As always, Mizuki was waiting outside of her apartment, her face sullen. She was scuffing her shoe against a tiny patch of grass that peeked out amongst concrete and bricks. Any passersby that would have been wondering why a twelve-year-old was standing outside at night, alone, would have been quickly scared off by the intensity of her usual glare.

...The key word being 'usual'. Right now, she looked as if the weight of the world was crushing her crumbling shoulders. Her face was _so_ sad…

Given everything that had happened to her these past few days, Iris couldn't blame her.

"Mizuki!" Iris called, dragging up energy she didn't even know she had to give a grin. She skipped up to her dear friend and stopped, leaning forward with her hands on her knees. "It's so wonderful to see you!"

That part, at least, wasn't a lie. Iris's chest was already loosening, freed from an agonising tension she'd grown so familiar with that, now that it was gone, the world felt a little bizarre.

Mizuki didn't offer a smile or any kind of greeting. Her hands tightened around the straps of her backpack, face pale. "...Sorry."

"What are you apologising for, silly?" Iris held out her arm, still smiling. "I mean it, y'know. You're my BFF, remember? I _love_ it when you spend the night." She wiggled her arm. "So, let's go!"

That got a smile out of Mizuki. When she looped her arm through Iris's own (and almost sent her toppling - girl was _strong!),_ Iris grabbed her hand. Mizuki's small fingers were ice cold.

"Onward, brave adventurer!" Iris announced boldly, thrusting out a finger with her free hand. She glanced over to Mizuki and felt her chest warm when Mizuki’s smile grew just a bit wider.

It was a walk spent in silence, with cars and vans zooming down Tokyo's streets and splashing through puddles from the downpour overnight. It was a peaceful kind of hum, a buzz of people and streetlights that Iris could easily tune out. She'd always preferred walking at night, despite the warnings about safety. There was no need to worry, not when she had Mizuki with her. While people (not Iris!) doubted the story about her grandfather, there was no denying her insane strength, physically or emotionally.

But even the strongest person had a breaking point.

They got to the train station, and after Iris paid for their tickets, rided to the station closest to Iris's house. Mizuki didn't speak a word, not even to protest about Iris buying her ticket. She was always adamant that she was old enough to buy her own.

Iris didn't know what to do.

So, she did nothing.

When they got to Iris’s house, there was a pleasant surprise waiting on her doorstep.

“Oh!” Iris chirped. “It’s Komaeda!”

Komaeda meowed.

A hint of a smile broke through the clouds darkening Mizuki’s face.

Komaeda the cat bore very little resemblance to her namesake, Komaeda the fictional character. She had patches of white fur on her in the same way that every winter iris was the same shade as snow; it was an absolutely ordinary trait. It didn’t justify her name in the slightest, especially when they bore naught else in common.

“Who’s a gorgeous girl?” Iris sang, crouching down to stroke behind Komaeda’s ear. “Yes, you are, aren’t you?”

Komaeda purred.

“Can she come inside?” Mizuki asked, gazing at Iris with wide, haunted eyes. “Everybody should have a home…”

“Of course she can!” Iris winked. If her heart was aching, she very much chose to ignore it.

Mizuki smiled. “Thanks.”

Iris rattled the key in the lock until the door eventually creaked open. Komaeda swayed in before either of them with that strange, unique elegance all cats always seemed to have. “Is your roommate not home?”

“No.” Mizuki pulled her face.

Okay, so: roommate? _Bad_ topic to bring up. Iris stood there, humming to herself, before she grinned and clapped her hands together. If she let her thoughts linger on Renju too long, and all the other strange stuff, and just - _everything_ … well…

She couldn’t. End of.

And, _boy,_ she was not even going to _think_ about being all “oh, hey, Renju tried to kidnap me while he was near death and definitely wasn't being himself, do you know what _that’s_ all about” to his kid.

Heck, Mizuki being around was a good thing. Iris could function _much_ better when she was focused on other people.

"I know a hot chocolate always makes _me_ feel better," Iris said, tossing her bag onto the sofa. "And, honestly, it's been a rough day for me too! I'll whip up some for the both of us."

She winced at her words even before Mizuki's gaze had snapped to her, her eyes the sharpest they'd been all day. While it was good to no longer see that thousand mile stare, especially from someone as young as Mizuki was, seeing that intensity focused on _Iris_ wasn't at all what she'd intended.

"What happened?" Mizuki narrowed her eyes. "Any creeps I need to go beat up?"

"Oh, no, no!" Iris held her hands up with a sheepish laugh. "Nothing like that!" She went to turn on the hot tap—

Then, her hand went numb. It whacked the counter. She winced and swore under her breath, praying - _praying -_ that Mizuki hadn't seen that.

"What happened to your hand?"

Footsteps. Iris inhaled sharply, pulling on a smile as she turned to face Mizuki.

"Nothin' to worry about!" she insisted. "I hit it off a wall earlier, so it's just a bit sore. It'll be fine tomorrow!"

Mizuki hummed, eyes still narrow, but eventually nodded and sank back onto the sofa. "If you say so."

That shouldn't have stung as much as it did. _I hope you're not lying to me,_ were the unspoken words.

Renju's actions - his words, those _eyes -_ ate at her insides like a ravenous poison. But she swallowed her own words down, again and again, each time making her a little bit more nauseous.

Mizuki had enough on her plate. Mizuki had found her mother's corpse a few days ago.

Mizuki was _twelve._

An _adult_ couldn't handle this stuff, never mind…

Not to say that Mizuki was _weak -_ she was far from it, far stronger than Iris could ever aspire to be - but…

She remembered when she first met Mizuki, about three years ago. Maybe a bit longer. She'd come home from her job, sometime in the early evening, to her mom and a tiny kid, plastered in bandages head-to-toe, nursing two cups of hot chocolate.

Hitomi had smiled at her when she came in and took off her shoes, in that way that loving parents did, with lips that wrinkled at their tips and gentle eyes. The girl stared at Hitomi as though she'd grown two heads.

"Hey, Mom!" Iris smiled. "Who's this?"

"She's a student from the class I teach." Hitomi turned to the child. "Mizuki, do you want to introduce yourself?"

Mizuki kicked the chair leg. Her feet didn't touch the floor, not even when she leaned forward to gaze at Iris. Back then, even at that age, she'd had that thousand mile stare, her eyes somehow both sharp and dark. Iris felt like she was being scrutinised by a doctor peeling open her skin and bones, not a child in elementary school.

Despite her discomfort, Iris bent down and held out her hand. "Heya! I'm Iris! I'm Miss Sagan's daughter!"

Mizuki flinched, hiding away behind her hands with a keen. Frowning, Iris thrust her hand out further, only for Mizuki to scuttle so far back the chair rocked on its legs.

Hitomi rested her hand on top of Iris's. "She doesn't like being touched," she said softly. Iris hadn't seen it at the time, but, reminiscing, there'd been an undeniable fury in her eyes when her gaze had returned to Mizuki. Not at her - _never_ at Mizuki - but at parents Iris didn't yet know.

"O-oh!" Iris bowed deeply, hands on her thighs. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to upset you!"

Ever so slowly, Mizuki peeled her face away from her hands. She stared at Iris with gigantic eyes, ones shining with disbelief.

"It's okay if you don't want to speak," Hitomi murmured. She hovered a hand above Mizuki's shoulder, only lowering it when the girl gave a tiny nod. "She's not good at talking around strangers. Neither am I, honestly!"

That got a crack of a smile from Mizuki. Hitomi squeezed her shoulder.

"Do you want to wash out our cups?" she asked. At once, Mizuki shot onto her feet, her little fingers struggling to wrap around the cup handles. Still, she was determined, and soon had both cups in her hands. Iris watched her waddle towards the sink.

"Mom," Iris half-whispered, half-hissed, "is this _allowed?"_

But Hitomi just shook her head, her smile both sorrowful and kind. "Mizuki has… she's not living with her parents."

"Oh!" Iris's hand flew to her mouth. "She's an… orphan?"

"No, no." Hitomi shook her head. "She's living with a cousin of her father, or something like that. A roommate, she says. Her actual parents are…" Hitomi's left hand clutched her right elbow, fingers knotting in dead muscle. "...Well. I have very strong reason to suspect they're not... good parents."

"You don't mean..?"

Iris's gaze bore onto the blossoming bruises on Mizuki's cheeks, the plasters peeking out from underneath her clothing, but her mom shook her head again.

 _"Those_ are from fellow students, I suspect. I've yet to catch anyone doing it, so I can't punish them." Hitomi bit her lip. "It makes me feel so _powerless…"_

"You're doing more than enough, Mom." Iris watched Mizuki turn on the tap and begin to scrub the cups, leaning forward on her tip-toes to reach the sink. "Why did you ask her to..?"

"She insists on being helpful. As if she isn't a _child."_ Hitomi's hand tightened, her sleeve crinkling, before she took her hand away to rest on her lap. "It's the only way she accepts kindness."

The tap squeaked off. Hitomi glanced to her, then back to Iris with panicked eyes. "I think her roommate - whoever they are - is decent to her. I just…" She sighed. "Be kind to her, Iris. Please? She's remarkably intelligent and sweet. Just… misunderstood."

Iris grasped her mother's left hand with both of her own. "You needn't say anything! Of course I’ll be her friend!”

Hitomi's shoulders lowered with her joyful sigh. Her eyes smiled. "You're such a wonderful girl, Iris. What do I do to deserve you?"

"I could say the same for you, Mom!"

There was a flash of pain in her mother's eyes, but she had no time to think on it or ask, for Mizuki came trudging back and plopped on her chair again.

It took most of the evening before Mizuki spoke a word to her. But when Iris had finally coaxed out a tiny giggle, it had felt as though the sun had peeked out after hours of lurking behind stormy clouds.

"Do you want me to make the hot chocolate?"

Mizuki's words sliced through Iris's thoughts like a knife through skin.

 _Okay, that was a_ **_bad_ ** _comparison._

"Sorry, I'll get on it now!" She let out a self-conscious laugh, quietly relieved when the hot tap turned on without incident. She realised she'd forgotten the mugs, and spun on her foot to grab them along with the cocoa powder. "Man, staying up late _does_ make you out of it, huh?"

Mizuki snorted. _"I_ could have told ya that."

"You don't stay up late, do you?"

Mizuki hummed, swinging her legs. The soles of her feet barely scraped the floor. "Nah, I sleep enough. My roommate is _forever_ staying up late though."

Komaeda purred, obviously affronted at having been forgotten for so long. Mizuki rubbed the back of the cat’s ear between her fingertips.

"Guess you're just doomed to remain short, huh?" Iris teased. The teaspoon tip-tapping against the mug was a comforting sound. "I thought you might just not be sleeping enough, _buuuuuut…"_

"H-hey!" Mizuki cried. She twisted her neck to glare at Iris. "I'm not _that_ short! I just - haven't hit my growth spurt yet! Yeah!"

Iris hummed, grinning. She hit the teaspoon against the top of Mizuki's cup, shaking off the excess water before stirring her own.

"Besides," Mizuki continued, clearly still huffing about the fact that she, a pre-teen, had yet to grow to her full height. "It's not like _you're_ tall."

"I'm average height, thank you very much!"

“You wear heels!” Mizuki shot back. “I bet I’m taller than you.”

“My heels only add an inch, if even that…” Iris grinned. “Admit it, Mizuki. I’m taller than you.”

“Am not!”

“Am too!”

_“Am not!”_

“Am too!”

“Am—” Mizuki crossed her arms with a huff and a pout, flinging herself against the back of the sofa. On the back, Komaeda raised her head briefly before yawning and lowering herself back into a shape reminiscent of a loaf of bread. “I’m _not_ gonna be the childish one here,” she muttered, sounding oddly proud of herself.

“Uhhhh…” Iris scratched at her chin. “Weren’t _you_ the one who started it?”

“Nuh-uh!”

 _“Sureeeeee.”_ Grinning to herself, Iris finished off their hot chocolates. She dapped whipped cream onto the two cups, so much that it bubbled over and trailed down the sides. Then, she plonked in a few marshmallows for Mizuki. They bobbed up and down in the sea of cream. Finally, Iris added a few sprinkles on top, scattering them all over, then put everything away before taking the cups in her hands.

She sunk down on the sofa next to Mizuki, careful not to let the cups accidentally overspill. She handed Mizuki her cup, who took it with a quiet thanks. Her burst of energy seemed to have disappeared as quickly as it had came.

Iris’s heart didn’t stop aching.

Mizuki cradled the mug of hot chocolate in her hands. “...Where’s your mommy?”

 _She’s such a kid sometimes,_ Iris thought wistfully.

Then, again, Mizuki was only… what, twelve? She tended to forget that.

In that moment, she actually looked her age, with how small and vulnerable she seemed. Delicate wasn't a word Iris would ever have used to describe someone like Mizuki, but it looked as though a breeze could make her fall apart.

“Mom’s out somewhere.” Iris shrugged. “I’m not sure where. She goes out a lot, though! I’m sure she’s fine.”

“Hmm.” It was a sad little noise that came out of Mizuki. She took a tiny sip of her drink. Usually, she wolfed down it in no time, and then always _oohed_ and _ouched_ and complained about it being too hot.

Iris bit her lip. She didn’t feel like drinking hers, either, but…

She forced herself to take a large mouthful. She barely felt it scalding her gums.

“Don’t drink it all so fast,” Mizuki chided, frowning in both annoyance and concern. It was a very Mizuki expression, and the familiarity of it brought more warmth to Iris’s body than her drink did.

“Sorry…” Iris scratched her cheek, giving a shy smile as she nested her cup between her thighs. “Guess I wasn’t thinking, huh?”

“Don’t burn yourself either.” Mizuki’s frown deepened. “Put it on the table.”

“Aww, it’s not _that_ hot.” Still, she rested it on the glass table. Mizuki’s face slackened, frown vanishing with apparent satisfaction.

Komaeda snaked down in the tiny gap between them and purred, knocking her head against them both. For the next short while, that was what their time faded into. Komaeda was a playful cat, and Iris was more than eager to give her strokes and let her nibble her fingers as she sipped her drink. Mizuki didn’t interact as much, save for the occasional head stroke or rub, and seemed more than content to just… stare into space. Still, she didn’t seem _sad._ Just… pensive.

When Iris finished her hot chocolate, Mizuki leaned over and wormed the cup from her grasp without a word.

“You don’t _need_ to take them,” Iris said, as if they didn’t have this argument every time Mizuki came over to stay. Mizuki had a borderline _obsession_ with being useful, from insisting that she cleaned up after herself and everyone else, to never taking snacks or drinks unless someone asked if she wanted any.

If Iris thought on it for too long, ruminated on the _why’s_ and _how’s_ that made Mizuki this way, she suspected she’d almost be _grateful_ that Mizuki’s mom was no longer around. So, she didn’t.

“...But thanks.”

Mizuki gave her a small smile. “No problem!”

She cradled a cup in each hand protectively and headed over towards the sink. Iris got up and stretched to the sound of gushing water. Komaeda hopped off the sofa and rubbed herself against her ankles before flopping down on her side.

Iris may or may not have let out a little coo of a noise over how damn _adorable_ Komaeda was. She sat down in front of her, legs spread wide, and began to stroke the top of her head. She _loved_ head pats, especially little rubs behind her left ear.

It was pleasant, the quiet sounds of scrubbing and rinsing as Mizuki worked in the kitchen. Iris continued to stroke Komaeda’s cute little head.

Then the door slammed open.

Standing there, face so pale that Iris thought it was Mizuki, was Date.

* * *

Date left after having had a brief discussion with Mizuki. Were it anyone else, Iris would have called it an argument, but during it, Mizuki had been more alive than she had been all evening.

Eventually, after Mizuki threatened to whack him for glancing at a cooking magazine, Date made to leave. He surprised Mizuki with a bone-crushing hug, one that lifted her clean off the ground and made Iris somewhat wistful. Uncle used to give her hugs like that…

He whispered something in her ear, words that made Mizuki squeeze her shining eyes shut. When he let go, he stared at Iris for several seconds, with that dazed, distant gaze of someone who had seen far too much. Mom got that look too, on days where she poured over high school photographs and spoke very little. Iris always made sure to take extra care of her on those days.

It was, Iris realised, the same stare that Mizuki had. The same one that Iris kept seeing, again and again, more and more. It made them look like siblings.

After that, he left into the cold, unforgiving night. Mizuki watched him leave, her expression tore between wistiful and envious. Iris decided not to push her on that.

"I didn't know _Date_ was your roommate," Iris murmured when the door clicked shut. "I'd love to have one like him!"

"He sucks," Mizuki mumbled. "Eats my pudding. Leaves his socks everywhere. Watches weird stuff on his computer."

Somehow, despite the bite in her words, there was an undeniable fondness in them. _I may insult him, but I'll beat up anyone else who does,_ was all Iris could hear.

"Hmm."

Iris flopped down on the sofa next to Mizuki with a yawn.

“The world changed…” Iris mused. “Wonder what made him say that?”

Mizuki shrugged.

Iris’s mind scrambled for something - _anything -_ that they could do. She didn’t want them to go to sleep like this, both of them quietly unhappy. It was only midnight. They’d both stayed up chatting into the early hours of dawn before, and Hitomi would scold them for sleeping in until noon, _especially_ since Mizuki was a growing child. And then Mizuki would huff, and stick out her tongue, and say that, _no,_ she was _mature,_ and she got enough sleep, thank you very much!

Internally, Iris sighed. Externally, she smiled, drumming her fingers on her lap.

"Wanna watch a movie before we sleep?"

A few seconds passed. Mizuki nodded. Komaeda had long since fallen asleep on the sofa's edge, her soft snoring purrs a gentle comfort to them both.

"Let's go to my bed," Iris said. "I'm ready to nod off!"

She wasn't, but they both knew that.

Iris rested her hand over Mizuki's arm, not touching, until Mizuki brushed herself against her. Then, Iris sprayed her fingers out, her heart lurching at how Mizuki flinched and stiffened before visibly forcing herself to relax. Iris guided Mizuki to her bedroom. She didn’t look as though she had the energy to stand by herself.

Mizuki fell on the bed like a sack of rice, her back wrinkling one of many ShovelForge posters Iris had on her walls. Iris flicked on her fairy lights and turned off the living room light.

Her room was, in many ways, exactly what could be expected of a late teenager's. Posters adjourned the walls, from ShovelForge to artists to celestial bodies. Iris and Hitomi had draped the fairy lights over the desk and bed posts many years ago; a few of the bulbs weren't working, but Iris never had the heart to replace them, and the soft glow the vines of lights gave wasn't something she wanted to sleep without. Many of the star stickers Iris had splattered onto the ceiling while riding the shoulders of a smiling Uncle had long since faded away. It was a room that needed refurbishing, caught in halcyon memories that none of them could quite move on from.

But, really, what would have been the point? Not when Iris was…

Her eyes caught on the winter iris she kept on her windowsill, where the curtain didn’t quite cover it. Some of its leaves were beginning to bloom speckles of ugly brown.

In a few months, who would water it? Who would nurture it? Or would it wither and wilt, rotting leaves cracking and falling into too-dry soil? Would it die, just like her?

What would happen to her plushies, her laptop, her consoles - anything and everything she had ever owned? Would they remain in this room, gathering dust? Would her mom do anything with them?

(She wouldn't, Iris knew. Whatever her past was, she knew that her mother was enraptured by it, completely and absolutely.)

Mizuki would like the Adorabbit plushies. Maybe the ShovelForge ones, too. Iris should do something about that. Perhaps her game consoles as well. It wasn't as though Iris had _that_ many friends, honestly. Ota didn't actually play that many games. Amame had a weird fascination with taking consoles apart, only to be completely unable to put them back together again.

She could raffle them off to her subscribers, but… no. She'd have to do that before she died. Hitomi didn't know much about technology at all. She'd once texted Iris in a frenzy, panicking about where the mouse cursor for the laptop was while she was on the lock screen. The memory made Iris smile.

If she did that before, people would get suspicious. Worst of all, they'd get _worried._ What kind of idol would Iris be if she made people feel _worse,_ not better?

So… yeah. She'd give those to Mizuki too, maybe, or have her mom donate them to a few charities. It wasn't as though they’d be any use in an empty room.

She swallowed down the lump in her throat and smiled at Mizuki. Every smile seemed to be more exhausting than the last. When would she run out of energy for them? When would she be too tired to pretend to be happy, perfect? Like nothing was wrong at all, when, really, _everything_ was wrong?

But she needn't have fretted; Mizuki was folding and unfolding her hands in her lap, eyes distant yet again. It was only when the bed moved under Iris's weight that she shook out of her stupor. She turned. When Iris patted the bed, Mizuki shuffled fully onto it.

"I was thinking one of the Shark Storm movies," Iris said.

It took her a few seconds, as if she was pulling herself out of a deep fog, but Mizuki eventually wrinkled her nose. "Aren't those the ones with the sharks and the… torpedoes?"

"Tornadoes, but close enough!" Iris clapped her hands together, careful not to hit her phone. She went back to it, tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth as she scrolled through a website that was dubiously legal at best. "C'mon, I know you love it."

Mizuki cracked a small smile at that. She said nothing. When Iris found the movie, she handed Mizuki a pillow to fluff behind her back, and took the other one for herself. They got comfortable, the two of them sitting amongst a sea of ShovelForge and Adorabbit plushies. Iris hit 'play' on the video she'd found.

After shielding her phone away from Mizuki's eyes at the most certainly _not_ suitable for work advertisement that played, the movie began. They fell into a silence watching it, the type that picked at your skin and tightened your throat. Where things were just - _wrong,_ but you didn't know how to begin explaining it or if you even should. If it was better to rip open the dam of what was wrong and drown in the flood of pain, or just to continue this facade of empty happiness.

Iris said nothing.

As the credits rolled, Mizuki glanced to Iris, then away, then back to Iris again. Her lips twisted onto themselves so tightly that it reminded Iris of a coiled rope, or a DNA strand.

Finally, Mizuki looked right at her.

"Sorry," she said, voice tight. She sounded like she was about to cry. "I-I know I haven't… been fun to be around. At all."

"Mizuki…" Iris rested an arm on her shoulders. Mizuki flinched, and Iris quietly cursed at herself, but Mizuki soon relaxed. "You don't need to apologise," she whispered. "You've… had a _lot_ happen these last few days.” To put it kindly. “Don't be sorry. _Please."_

Mizuki sniffled. “I-I just…” She curled up, making herself as small as possible on Iris’s bed. It was only a single bed, but Mizuki was pretty small, and it wasn’t as though Iris was a giant. They’d slept side-by-side on it countless times.

None of those times had ever felt as raw as this. They’d shared many a late night conversation, about their families and nightmares and future hopes, but - they’d never had the loss of someone hanging over them, like how the earth always hung over the moon, no matter where it was. It was always there, great and consuming, no matter how you may try to ignore it.

One of Iris’s many Adorabbit plushies sat on her bed against the wall. Carefully, she picked out the one that she knew was Mizuki’s favourite. It was one of the largest ones, a limited edition one produced for Adorabbit’s tenth anniversary. Funnily enough, Mizuki’s birthday was just a few days after, and she’d mentioned that her roommate had gifted her one for her eleventh birthday.

She grabbed its paw and gently patted Mizuki’s knee with it. “Here!”

Mizuki glanced up from her ball, eyes watery, and yanked Adorabbit against her chest, gripping it like a person would cling to an anchor in storming waters.

“It’s not the same…” she mumbled into Adorabbit’s head.

“Huh?”

Mizuki shook her head. Her hold on Adorabbit was iron tight.

After seconds that stretched into minutes, hours, days, _years,_ Mizuki breathed. Iris kept herself stiff, uncertain of what she could do apart from just - be there.

"I've been so _lonely,"_ Mizuki whispered. "I-I know Date is - he's—" She swallowed. "He's never home 'cause he's trying to catch the people who - who h-hurt Mom, but…" She hiccuped.

"Mizuki…"

"Home's so _lonely_ without him," she continued. "My mom's d-d-dead, and Daddy's… he's… and I just - I just want _someone_ to be around, but he's not! He stays out late and goes in early and he's never there and I know we argue a lot _but he's the only family I have left."_ Mizuki ducked her head onto Adorabbit's, the fabric of his skull stretching out around her. "I don't want to be alone - I-I don't want to - do something that I might - might regret and - and—"

When Iris pulled her into a gentle hug, murmuring sweet nothings, the dam seemed to break inside of Mizuki. She wailed and sobbed and shuddered, clutching Iris's back so tightly that her nails dug into her flesh. Still, Iris held on.

In a twisted, horrible, _selfish_ way that she would never, _ever_ admit to, Iris was jealous. As horrible as her life was - as tragic and screwed up it was, as much as the world wanted to spit on her and kick her when she was down - at least Mizuki _had_ a future. She would graduate, from elementary and junior high and senior high school, and maybe go to university, and own a cat or a dog, or - well. Who knew? But at least she had _something_ to look forward to. She'd have her new family, as awkward and strange as it was now, for many more years to come. She'd be able to eat her favourite meals, and discover new ones, and see how the world would evolve and what new games would come out and get to travel and explore and… and…

She'd get to _live._

Iris?

Iris had months.

Three of them, if she was lucky.

She swallowed down that selfishness, thrust it into the back of her mind, locking it away into a box she’d never open. She squeezed away the tears pricking her eyes.

How did you tell someone you loved, someone who'd lost so much already, who'd _been_ through too much in such a small life, that you were dying?

Was it kinder to say nothing, and just - drop dead one day without warning? Or was it less cruel to tell her, to watch Mizuki count down as Iris did, wondering every day if today would be the last? To live for days, weeks, _months,_ swallowed by the helpless, awful guilt that someone you loved was dying, and there was nothing you could do?

No. Iris believed that it was better to spend her days as though nothing was wrong.

Mizuki continued to sob. Iris pulled her against her chest tight, hard enough that perhaps not even oxygen could get in. Her arms ached and trembled with the effort, her numb hand drooping from its former grasp.

Iris hoped, dearly, sincerely, utterly, that there existed another world that was kinder to them both. A universe that didn't punish them simply for existing.

"I'm always here for you," Iris lied.

Maybe if she said it enough, it'd come true.

**Author's Note:**

> [my twitter!](https://twitter.com/greenpiggles) check me out if you wanna~ rn i'm in fe heroes gacha hell
> 
> kudos and/or comments are always GREATLY appreciated, thank you so much for your support! <3


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